I am GREATER THAN my thoughts

So 2020 was the year I took up running for more than the occasion workout/holiday 5K (more on the why behind that later). However, we live in Minnesota. I don’t know if you know this, but it gets cold in Minnesota. Therefore as much as I would like to run outside all the time, I’d rather not be frostbitten so treadmill running it is. Our apartment gym has the fancy, interactive treadmills that take you to New Zealand, France, Zion National Park, etc. Cool right? Let me tell you something cooler. Since I have been working on running faster, I don’t often change the incline, but the video of all those beautiful places with inclines still plays. Sometimes as I am running, I feel my stomach hitting the front of the treadmill where the safety button is. Why? I didn’t know at first either. Then I realized that when it happened, the video was displaying inclines and my brain said, “Hey! We’re going uphill. You better run harder to keep the pace and get up this hill.” Cool right? As much as I love the heart being a cardiology pharmacist, this exercise of my brain is pretty fascinating to me. It also highlighted to me that I don’t control every thought or action.

“Wait, what? Lindsay, what are you saying?” I’m saying you don’t control what you initially think. (DON’T take this out of context.) Why was this important to me? I am a recovering Negative Nancy (sorry to all the Nancys out there.) I played and replayed negative thoughts in my head, on repeat. Those thoughts equated to my worth, and you can imagine how much of a vicious cycle this can become. The negativity became a manifesting destiny. While I was still able to achieve goals, I only saw the stumbling blocks and complained along the way. Realizing that my thoughts don’t define me, especially the negative ones has allowed me to change my actions and improve myself immensely. Now, I’m not perfect and continue to work on changing negative thoughts, my increased awareness makes it easier daily.

Something else that gets overall easier daily, running. I told you that I’d share more about running later so here it is. My mom likes to tell a story from when I was little. I wanted to try a 3-day soccer camp because all the kids were doing it. My parents bought me all the things: cleats, shin guards, soccer ball, socks, etc. I was ready and excited for camp. After the first day, I apparently came home and told my family that soccer wasn’t for me; it was too much running. Running isn’t something I’ve always enjoyed or came easy. In fact as an overweight middle- and high-schooler, I told myself that I’m just not a runner. That’s why I can’t run like the athletes of my class. Well, I most certainly wouldn’t when I talked like that. College got me into working out and running. I did my first 5K at Purdue and felt immense pride for running 3.1 miles even if my best friend ran his in 21 minutes. This was one time where I didn’t care that someone “beat me” because I did it for me and proved I could. My mind was manifesting positivity. Then life happened when I was in rotations for pharmacy school and residency and my running slowed. I was convinced all I could really do was run a 5K. I once ran 5 miles while at Purdue, but I didn’t think I could ever do it again. When January 2020 rolled around, I was swept up in making 2020 my year–time to challenge myself. “How can I do that? Running more than I think is humanly possible for my body. Yes, I’m going to run a half-marathon.” What? I just told you that I’ve never run more than 5 miles in my life. Also, when I decided this 2 miles was my limit, maybe 2.5 miles on an extremely good day. I decided it though, and I was going to do it. I heard in podcasts about envisioning accomplishing and working towards something, especially a physical goal. So I did it. I changed the story in my head to, “I am a runner. I am a runner. I am a runner.” As I trained and the miles increased, I began to believe it more and more. Despite the fact that the half I signed up for was cancelled, I still wanted to run it. On August 8, 2020 I ran my first ever half-marathon, on a trail I mapped out in my city with my husband and friends waiting for me at the end. It was an AMAZING feeling. Now, in 2021 I want to run 2 half-marathons and look to do a full in 2022.

Why do I share my story about running? Because I want to see from my example that the thoughts I had about myself, the one I chose to listen to dictated if I could accomplish what seemed initially like an outlandish goal. Yes, some runs were challenging, and I wanted to quit. There were definitely thoughts of, “What are you doing? You think you’ll be able to do this? You can only run a max of 5 miles, you know.” I decided to me more than my initial thoughts. Instead I focused on, “You’ve been challenged before, you can overcome. You can and have done hard things. You just ran 6 miles, what is a few more?” Owning and becoming more than my thoughts has allowed my to accomplish many things during this crazy year, and I hope it will help you in the future.

“Think you can, think you can’t; either way you’ll be right.”

Henry Ford