Greater Than

Are you a dreamer? A goal-getter? Do you have big aspirations? Chances are you answered yes to at least one of those questions. Even if you didn’t, don’t go anywhere because I bet you’ve still heard about the topic we’re covering today. You’ve probably guessed it by now, goal setting. Now, if you’ve been with me for awhile, you know I’m all about goals to keep growing. (Originally, they were just for achieving, but I’m actively working to shift my mind toward growth instead of achievement. A continual work in progress.) You might be about to tune out because you’re likely thinking, “Lindsay, I’ve heard all about S.M.A.R.T. goals. What can you offer?” Well, friend, what do you think of this statement? I dislike the S.M.A.R.T. goal format and don’t use it. Is that where you thought I was going? So, let me tell you why I don’t like the S.M.A.R.T. goal format and what I use instead.

First as a quick refresher, let us review what S.M.A.R.T. goals are. S.M.A.R.T. is an acronym used to help create a goal. S stands for specific–being crystal clear on what you want to achieve. Example: I want good grades isn’t specific. Naming letter grades in each class would be specific. M is for measurable–must be able to track progress and have an outcome. Saying I want to be healthier isn’t measurable. Saying I want to be better about my nutrition by tracking the types of food I eat and caloric intake to see a change is measurable. A is for achievable or attainable–can this actually be reached in a given timeframe? Me setting a goal to win an Olympic gold medal this year isn’t all that realistic. R is for relevant–the goal aligns with my values. T stands for time–can it be done in a certain time window that promotes productivity but is still reachable?

When I lay it out like that, S.M.A.R.T. goals sound pretty good, but for me they just don’t work. “Why?” Great question. To me the S.M.A.R.T. goal format limits me and gives me a narrow focus. Don’t get me wrong, having a clear and concise direction is essential. However, I think the S.M.A.R.T. goal format locks me into something a blind me from other opportunities and ideas. Additionally, the time piece has always bothered me. For example, the goal has to be done in 1 month, 6 months, a year, or etc. Man, life happens. Now, I know you’re going to tell me but the time part is there to keep me on track. Nope, I’m sorry I disagree. If the “why” behind your goal isn’t enough to keep you pushing for it (note not motivated–motivation waxes and wanes–that’s a topic for another blog post), then it is not your time to pursue it. As an added note to the time structure of the S.M.A.R.T. goal format, it can leave me feeling like a failure for not meeting my own self-imposed deadline. Talk about crazy and a lot of unnecessary negative emotions. My last comment on the S.M.A.R.T. goal format has to do with the way it is taught. I have been graded and assessed on MY goals by others. While feedback is fantastic and I value it, I want to know who is qualified to tell me if I can achieve MY goals, if they are relevant, attainable, etc. 

Now you might be thinking, “Lindsay, it sounds like you don’t like people telling you what to do.” Yes, that is true, but let me tell you about how I chase growth to achieve my goals. I cast the most outlandish vision of myself that I want. AND dream it BIG! I call my shot because even if I miss, my growth and path will lead me somewhere beautiful. After I call my goal, I reverse engineer what it is going to take for me to get there step by step until I get to the present time. Then I know the first step. With that first step I can dive into the nitty gritty to find out how I can track progress, when I can expect the first baby step to be wrapping up, what knowledge do I hope to gain, AND most importantly make space for things I may learn or gain unexpectedly that could change/tweak my next step or big goal because life happens. Finally, I wrap it up with making my “why” a concise why statement with my goal and say a prayer so I can repeat these over and over again through the process.

So let me tell you how I’ve used this method in the past. Last year, I decided to challenge myself and pick a goal that seemed impossible. I’ve spoken about this before, but I started with, “I’m going to run a half-marathon”. Cool, well how do I do that? I have to train. Awesome, how do I train? I’ll have to look that up. Most training programs look the same and are 12 weeks. Great so I have to start a training plan 12 weeks prior to race day and you have to be able to run 3 miles three times a week to do this training. I should pick a race day that allows for me to further build up running prior to training. Boom, picked a race. Then I had a day to start a training program. Then I had a timeline of increasing my running to at least 3 miles three times per week. I also used this time to sort out nutrition and recovery needs–not a part of the original goal (or in the S.M.A.R.T. goal format). But it did come up in my research and helped me better achieve my goal because I wasn’t only focused on measuring my running distances. You can still be clear and have multiple things that influence the outcome as long as they help and don’t hinder the outcome. For me if I had done this in the S.M.A.R.T. goal format, I think I would have been overwhelmed, missed extra training, and lost out on improving my nutrition. I also grew by continuing to push myself on runs and with nutrition leading to more growth and believing I could accomplish more–after all I was proving it to myself daily.

In a future blog post, I’ll share with you how I am actively using my “dream it big, reverse engineer it, and go for it” method. I wanted to share, because I hope this helps get some people unstuck and helps them move forward. If you don’t put Baby in a corner, then why put your goals in the S.M.A.R.T. goal format? (Sorry, I could not resist.) You are GREATER THAN only having a S.M.A.R.T. goal. Let me know how you’ll use my goal strategy of “dream it big, reverse engineer it, and go for it”. If you want help with my method, reach out, and I’m happy to discuss it with you.

Decision-making takes care of goal-setting, but discipline also takes care of goal-getting. Decisions and discipline can’t be separated; one is worthless without the other.

John C. Maxwell

As much as I would love to have the powers of Wanda Maximoff or Carol Danvers (Marvel nerd here), I do not. (Curses that I don’t live in the MCU or maybe not because no attacks from the big three: aliens, wizards, or androids–it just depends on how you spin it.) I digress, but the focus of today’s blog is on leaning into your superpowers. Now the word “superpower” has been a bit of a buzzword, but I want to focus on how to find what it is and the initial feeling you get when you lean into it. Let’s dive in!

So, how do you know what your superpower is? Chances are that unless you’ve already done this work, you’re thinking that there’s nothing special about your skills and talents. To that sir or ma’am, I kindly and strongly say, “You are incorrect, but stick with me to hear why.” Unless you’re a Marvel superhero or an elite athlete, most superpowers are subtle to us. We don’t realize what makes us amazing because it comes natural to us. We think to ourselves, “Oh, that is so easy. I bet everyone can do that/knows this/thinks like this.” That is NOT the case. Although Nate and I have only been married for ~1.5 years, I can assure you that we think completely differently and have different strengths. What comes naturally to me does not to him and vice versa. At first this was mind blowing to me until I realized that I could use my strengths (aka superpowers) to help him and others.

Okay now you may be thinking, “Lindsay, that is great for you, but I don’t think I’m special still.” Stop that! AND before you think of your own skills, I want you to ask others. Ask as many people as you can what they admire about you or what they think your strengths are. Ask your partner, parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, co-workers, anyone who knows you (not strangers because stranger danger and they need to have interacted with you to give an honest answer). You might be surprised what you learn, AND you’ll likely see a theme. Want an example? Great! Here are what some people have said about me. “Your drive and ability to achieve goals.” “You’re resourceful when going after something.” “You’re a cheerleader of my goals and set an example to dream big.” “You have courage to change positions that help you step into your dream.” “You remain true to yourself as you progress.” Did you see a theme? If you said goal setting and taking action, then A+ for you. (If not, I’ll still give you an A for reading my words.) I seriously thought that setting goals and moving toward them was something everyone did. Apparently not.

After asking your pals and confidants (cheers to Betty White), reflect and align what was said with what you enjoy/are good at. You’ll likely see the theme strengthen. It may not be directly the same theme depending on the context of your superpowers. Give it some good thought and the time it deserves. I recommend journaling for reflection–it helps me greatly. When journaling, just let it flow. No pressure to write something specific. Just let your writing guide you.

Now the context for the feeling of release when accepting your superpower(s). Last week, I posted how I’ve been “not myself recently”. After journaling, I realized that it was in part to me not using my achieving superpower. I had no goal for too long and felt aimless. While journaling I was able to identify that and how I can harness my own strengths to improve my mood. Better yet I could add another strength and passion of mine, education and teaching. I have some big ideas. Once I get more information, I’ll let you all know what my next big goal is. I can tell you know though that I feel excited and invigorated and “ready to conquer the world”. This week’s photo is me thinking about my new goal. It is such an amazing feeling. I want this for you. Tap into your superpower. Step in and be your own hero. Use those skills and your perspective that no one else has!

I am cheering you on and routing for you 100% because you are GREATER THAN not using your superpower.

Rachel Hollis may have some of my favorite podcasts. She recently interviewed Brad Paisley, and this country music fan was swoon. Brad’s voice is lovely. He appears to me to be just a normal, down-to-earth guy with a vast knowledge of music. On the podcast he was sharing his top  women of country music. Of course no list would be complete without Dolly Parton. Dolly is a QUEEN! Even if you don’t like country, you have to acknowledge her being unapologetically herself while changing the world is nothing short of amazing. Anyway, Brad touched on a duet they did together, “When I Get Where I’m Going”. Brad sang part on it on the podcast and my eyes welled up. No, this isn’t a new song. In fact, I know all the words to this song. As soon as the podcast ended, I knew I had to listen to Paisley and Parton’s duet. Mind you, I’m outside walking our dog around a lake where most of Rochester also walks after work. However, I was so moved, that I pulled up YouTube and pressed play. Que the ugly tears. (See the picture on the blog this week’s for the after ugly tears look.)

Now you may be thinking, “Lindsay, what are you telling me this?” I am telling you this to set the stage of I haven’t really been myself lately. I have been mildly depressed. Hearing that song was the big cry release I needed as well as talking with someone. While when I get in this mood, it takes some time to “get back to normal”, I can say that I’m on my way.

Due to my personality and values, I struggle with needing to look the part and be the best. Obviously, that hasn’t been working for me so it is time to admit it, learn from it, and release it. What did I learn this time? It is okay to not be okay. Talking about it helps, even if you don’t know why your mood is off. Journaling and a gratitude practice recently aided in identifying what is currently happening in my mind. After doing some of these these things,I was able to identify what things weren’t right. 

While I share this because I want people to know that I’m not always happy and achieving, I think an equally important lesson here is that I chose to move out of the “sad” space and not stay there. (Please don’t mistake my feeling off with a clinically diagnosed depression that may require more assistance and work to move forward. I’m talking to the people who are starting to fall away from who they are. Some people may need to do more to manage depression, and they 100% should!) Once you realize you’re “in a funk” you have a choice. Are you going to stay there and play the victim, or will you take ownership to move out of that space. If you’re interested, Donald Miller has many resources on storytelling and the roles we can play in our own story—fascinating!

As for me, I choose not to be a victim, so I’m moving forward again. I realize it is okay to not be okay. BUT, it is NOT okay to stay not okay. So where are you in your life right now? Are all things great? Or are you in a bit of a slump as well. Your turn to take action and move forward.

Do you know Newton’s first law? If you don’t remember that is okay. I’ll remind you. The first law says that an object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion unless either is acted on by an unbalanced force. While this is a physics principle, I think it applies to how we live our lives. When I am on and moving my life forward, I keep going until I hit a wall. I keep going until I can’t anymore and skip rest until the opposite force that is my body shuts down. On the other hand, when I am slowing down and resting, sometimes it turns into laziness. I keep “resting” because chilling on the couch seems far more attractive than doing that run and being productive. I’m pretty great at both extremes. In fact recently, I’ve been in rest phase and now probably longer than I should have been. It is time to move, but when I think about moving I get scared because I truly don’t know what is next. 

How do I get to what is next? For me it is a lot of journaling, praying, gratitude practice, and talking with friends. It is daunting to think about what is next when you’re an achiever that wants to please others, especially when you think there could be something else/something more other than the traditional course laid out for you(r profession). I had to and am still currently working on releasing my initial thoughts and feelings about what “I’m supposed to be”.

At the end of 2020 and beginning of 2021, I picked my word of the year for 2021. I thought long and hard about this and came up with the perfect word, “align”. I wanted my actions and choices to align with the person I wanted to be. Within the past month-ish, in such a poetic fashion I hit that metaphorical wall after going non-stop and had to lean into releasing the idea of being what I thought before. I had to release the align word and accept that it is okay to change. And that maybe, just maybe, my “alignment” to be who I am supposed to be comes with releasing the idea that I had originally set. The more I reflect the more I realize that the tighter I hold onto the rope the bigger rope burn I get instead of releasing and finding something even better.

So currently, I’m starting to try different things because getting movement started is better than staying put trying to fit myself into a plan that I have outgrown. I have released the idea that my plan has to stay the same. Onward and upward…..but sometimes sideways and backward. But always onward! Why? Because each step gives you a different perspective. Release the idea that you have to stick to the original plan and that the only way is forward. While rest is important, any movement is better than just sitting there.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite verses, Ephesians 2:10. “For you are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” You see you are a masterpiece and the good works you’ll do are already planned. So it is okay and sometimes encouraged to release your own goals and just start trying new things, which will lead you to the good works that were planned in advance.

For you are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

Let’s set the mood. Dimly lit bathroom with your favorite candles all around filling the room with scents of a lavender field, soft and sweet relaxing music plays, a huge soaker tub filled with luscious bubbles and bath salts, a bathtub caddy sits with delicate flowers, a glass of your favorite beverage, and a delightful book for your reading pleasure. In seeing this and stepping into the tub, you immediately release the tension as you slide into position and sip that perfect drink. 

I don’t know about you, but while I can very much appreciate the scene above, baths are not for me. Sorry, Jen Hatmaker, but I don’t find them enjoyable. However, the sentiment expressed here is key. Recently, I have been exhausted figuring out what is next and how to get there. This achiever needs to get to the next thing. In constantly looking for what is next and pushing myself, I forget the value of releasing and resting. Whoops! Unfortunately, for me this leads to serve burnout manifesting as a short fuse, quick to snap, and a fierce competitive spirit against everything and everyone. Eeek, not my best. Then it can become self-deprecating and draining. I hit that wall recently. What is helping me? Doing my version of self-care, which isn’t soaking in a bubble bath. For me it varies, today it is doing nothing but binge watching Marvel movies and snuggling under blankets. Other days it is crushing a run, reading a book, eating lots of fresh fruit, and gaining knowledge. Sometimes it looks like game nights with friends. All these things fill me up when I’m feeling depleted and defeated. 

It is okay to stop when needed and take a small break. I needed to hear this so I thought maybe you did too. Resting is key and essential to success and recovery. In 2020, I was so focused on achieving and not letting the pandemic keep my goals at bay. I did not rest and just kept moving into 2021. Nonstop motion is not sustainable, and although I knew/know this, it seems as though I have to continually live through it to (re)learn it. 

So today and recently, I’m giving myself permission to rest and recharge in whatever way that is needed. Today it looks like watching the Avengers movies, cuddling with Kaiser, getting a run in, and writing this blog. That’s it. Yes, there are dishes to do, cleaning that can be done, packing that should happen. But, I’m at capacity so to build back up, to kick butt and take names, meanings slowing way down. Until being reset, I’m resting. If you need to, then you should too–however it looks for you to it

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“Rest and motion, unrelieved and unchecked, are equally destructive.“

~Benjamin Cardozo
former Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States

This weekend it was sunny and in the 50s, so I took our dog on a long walk. He loved it, and I loved it. Being outdoors, despite the blustering wind, felt like church. The sun was shining bright, we were walking at a brisk pace, and I had country music playing. What a delightful afternoon. While walking, I had the realization that it was the closest I’ve felt to God recently. Why? Honest, I have been de- and reconstructing myself and my faith. I’ve been trying to read, understand, and reconcil what I have been taught in the past. Truthfully, a lot of those don’t go together.

Quarantine was what really got me started on deconstructing everything I had built and believed. Not because my life altered as much as some, but simply because church stopped happening in person, AND we stopped listening to weekly sermons. I know some of you right now are shaming me, but it was a breath of fresh air. Over about the past year, I have realized that for me the church did a lot of good, but it also did a lot of bad and gave me limiting beliefs. This past year I have walked through the wilderness stumbling around, looking to other things to sustain me–my job, my friends, my dog, my husband, art. I found nothing as good as God’s love. You might be thinking, but wait Lindsay, isn’t that what church teaches you? With words yes, but with actions, that hasn’t always been my experience. For me church was always the place where you have to look and act the part. Behave and be a good little girl who listens and does as she is told–that will get you to God. It was also one of the places where I was most ridiculed about my weight by some (not all), and I was always reminded that I lived on the eastside of town, not the westside, “the best side”, where our church was located. I don’t know about you, but based on the bible stories I’ve read, perfect peolpe cannot be further from how God calls people. My heart aches for middle school and high school Lindsay knowing the stress she put on herself to be perfect and achieve to get love. 

This past year, I craved out time and finally read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. While I’m no theologian, I saw story after story of chosen imperfect people making repeated wrong decisions while God still pursued and loved them. *Mind blown* Again, while my mind knew this, reading it and experiencing it through only my eyes hit me differently. I always thought I needed to be perfect and achieve leading me to wear a mask (as if I were going to a masquerade) to fit in. One verse that in particular took a lot of exploration. Matthew 5:48 “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” This verse on the surface seems straight forward, but it didn’t make sense to me with other stories I was reading. In looking into the Greek translations, the words used mean to work to attain God’s perfection through growth and love. Not actually achieving it, but it is looking to take steps to get there. Not just do things perfectly but move and progress to come closer to God. That is a beautiful relationship and one that I want with God. That imperfect relationship is perfection. I do not have to go and do all the things right. I just want to love and be grace for myself and others because God gave that to me. That’s how I grow into perfection. 

It took not going to church for me to realize that I should not aim for perfection by action, but grow in love to align with God. I look forward to more church days of sunny, warm weather and long walks with Kaiser. I may make it back to church, but I’m honestly not ready yet. The church may be where God is needed most, but at this time, He is calling me elsewhere. Where exactly? I don’t know, but I do know that I am currently listening better outside of four walls.

Okay, so if you have been with me for some time, you’ve heard me talk about the enneagram. Today is the day to dive into my enneagram type, type 3. Before we start, let me give you a 1000 ft overview of the enneagram. It is unlike other personality tests that focus on behaviors. Instead, the enneagram focuses on core desires and fears. I was first introduced to it in premarital counseling and since then it has been an amazing tool for me in self-development and my interactions with others. There are 9 types. Everyone has all types in them but each person only has one core type based on fears and desires. Every person also has a wing that is a secondary energy they draw on for behaviors but the wing number has to be adjacent to the main type. For example I am a 3, therefore my wings can only be 2 or 4, not 9, 6, 8, etc. There’s so much more to the enneagram, and I am no expert. However, I believe in the benefits of using it as a tool. If you’re interested in learning more, there are free tests online you can use as a starting point. Then I’d move to the Enneagram Institute website to read about each type and decide for yourself what your type truly is. Finally if you love podcasts, I recommend Jen Hatmaker’s series on it found here.

Now that we have a basis for what the enneagram is, let’s dive into my type. When I read it, it made me feel a little uncomfortable because it wasn’t all praise. My thoughts initially? “Ooooohhhh, I’m seen and that is vulnerable. I don’t really like seeing my blind/bad spots.” What for me was worse? My husband read all the types and was able to guess my type right away. Ouch. Okay, so I am an enneagram 3, an achiever. I am driven by being seen as successful with the fear of being a failure. In stress this creates one competitive, apathetic, deceitful person–often a major victim to the comparison game and being who others want me to be. Guilty as charged. Oops. On the opposite side, when I am at my best, I am a fiercely loyal cheerleader to my friends-encouraging others, I don’t care what others think, and I have my own definition of success I achieve. I don’t know about you, but I want to strive for the latter and not the former. If I’m being honest, up until recently, I lived most of my life as unhealthy 3 or at the very least an average 3. 

It took me awhile to understand that it is okay for me to value success. I still sometimes struggle to rationalize wanting success with all the teachings growing up that you should be humble, want nothing, and shouldn’t care what people think. For me, this was especially true in the church. The lessons I heard growing up were: don’t want material things-God will provide and hates greed, you shouldn’t care how you look because that money can be spent on other things and God doesn’t care but don’t look a mess either, you should only live for God and not want to be known. Well, if you’re like me then it was hard to reconcile those statements when you were told that God made you perfectly and you value success, having an impact, and caring how you’re viewed by others. (Yes, there is a fine line where these can be unhealthy, but I’m talking just at a base here.) For me, learning about the enneagram types, especially mine helped me make peace with these thoughts. (Fun fact, the enneagram was first an oral lesson passed down through generations by spiritual leaders. Richard Rohr gives a better history on this.)

I can use my enneagram 3 gifts to cheer on others and bring them to God. I can still have a positive impact. I am loved and made perfect through His love. I can reconcile wanting to be successful as he gave me tools and gifts of being ambitious and inclusive of others. When I stray away from that, I practice some unhealthy ways and that’s when I struggle. However on this journey of life, now that I am more aware of my limitations, I am able to switch back into my superpowers quickly and use them for a positive impact. 

So, what are your core desires and fears that influence your behaviors? How can learning about these impact your life?