I recently got the chance to help with mock interviews for Purdue Pharmacy students prepping for pharmacy residency interviews. It was a blast. We were told to ask situational based questions like, “Tell me about a time when…” One of the questions I asked was, “What is your biggest failure to date and how did you handle it?” Now, I had some excellent answers from pharmacy students such as not getting into pharmacy school on their first application, failing a class, disappointing others, etc. However upon reflecting in the experience, I realized I should have answers to the questions I asked. That took me down the road of “what is my biggest failure?” “Hmmm, I don’t know off the top of my head. I better think on this.”
Do you have an answer? It’s okay if not, but I encourage you to think about it because we can learn from our mistakes. If we avoid our mistakes, then we aren’t learning and growing. Now you may have a big event that triggered you and you can deem as a failure, but some may think things have been pretty good for me-I don’t know what has been a true failure. (Yes, I have “missed things” or been rejected for my top choice, but there has always been something else that came along right away.) Whatever camp you fall in is fine, but especially if you’re in the latter, listen up. Chances are your biggest failure is more subtle like mine. While the upcoming question may be personal, it is to shine a light on a blind spot. My question to you is, “What personality trait(s) are/have you let go on too long? Or what false narrative are you telling yourself?” My answer? Being who others want me to be instead of being myself and being competitive to the point of being deceitful. Those are my biggest failures. Not living my truest self and letting my competitive nature take over.
Let’s dig in more. It is difficult when it is not a single event to dramatically cause an abrupt change. For me when I went on my in depth journey of self-improvement, I realized how much I can and did perform for others. I know all the “right” answers to give and can blend into virtually any environment. I perform for others to appear successful and feel valued. I missed out on staying true to who I am. I came to this realization when being stressed about how to please my family and achieve in my career. This pont was only further hammered home when I asked my husband to name something about me that he wishes I could see. A part of his answer was that he wished that I didn’t care so much about what other people think. It was true. I’d care so much that I would make myself sick or not even try something new. Once I identified this, I had to start over because it was like a light shined on the dark side of me.
Now that a part had been illuminated, I started by giving myself grace and identifying who I am and what goals I (only me, not what others had projected onto me) wanted to achieve. I worked through this and still work on this daily. To frame my mind daily, I start my day with a Bible verse because I am a child of God, gratitude because I am grateful for my life, and a workout because I value my physical health. Setting up these practices and diving deeper into myself and values has afforded me the freedom to be me and remain steadfast to where I think God is calling me to be. With this freedom I came to the conclusion that how I was living prior was less than ideal and could be considered a failure. I have and am learning from my prior lack of self-awareness, which is why I consider it to be a “failure”.
Failure is such a strong word, so if that’s what is tripping you up consider alternative phrasing. One of my favorite quotes is by Ed Mylett, “Instead of asking why is this happening to me? Ask, ‘How is this happening FOR me?’” Re-framing failure to learn from it is a key in growth and moving through hard times/things. Sometimes the biggest thing keeping us from truly growing is ourselves. So, I invite you today to reflect on your biggest failure? Is it a single event or do you need to do some reflecting. How are you GREATER THAN not failing and learning from it?
Instead of asking why is this happening to me? Ask, ‘How is this happening for me?’
Ed Mylett
Greater Than 