Okay, so if you have been with me for some time, you’ve heard me talk about the enneagram. Today is the day to dive into my enneagram type, type 3. Before we start, let me give you a 1000 ft overview of the enneagram. It is unlike other personality tests that focus on behaviors. Instead, the enneagram focuses on core desires and fears. I was first introduced to it in premarital counseling and since then it has been an amazing tool for me in self-development and my interactions with others. There are 9 types. Everyone has all types in them but each person only has one core type based on fears and desires. Every person also has a wing that is a secondary energy they draw on for behaviors but the wing number has to be adjacent to the main type. For example I am a 3, therefore my wings can only be 2 or 4, not 9, 6, 8, etc. There’s so much more to the enneagram, and I am no expert. However, I believe in the benefits of using it as a tool. If you’re interested in learning more, there are free tests online you can use as a starting point. Then I’d move to the Enneagram Institute website to read about each type and decide for yourself what your type truly is. Finally if you love podcasts, I recommend Jen Hatmaker’s series on it found here.
Now that we have a basis for what the enneagram is, let’s dive into my type. When I read it, it made me feel a little uncomfortable because it wasn’t all praise. My thoughts initially? “Ooooohhhh, I’m seen and that is vulnerable. I don’t really like seeing my blind/bad spots.” What for me was worse? My husband read all the types and was able to guess my type right away. Ouch. Okay, so I am an enneagram 3, an achiever. I am driven by being seen as successful with the fear of being a failure. In stress this creates one competitive, apathetic, deceitful person–often a major victim to the comparison game and being who others want me to be. Guilty as charged. Oops. On the opposite side, when I am at my best, I am a fiercely loyal cheerleader to my friends-encouraging others, I don’t care what others think, and I have my own definition of success I achieve. I don’t know about you, but I want to strive for the latter and not the former. If I’m being honest, up until recently, I lived most of my life as unhealthy 3 or at the very least an average 3.
It took me awhile to understand that it is okay for me to value success. I still sometimes struggle to rationalize wanting success with all the teachings growing up that you should be humble, want nothing, and shouldn’t care what people think. For me, this was especially true in the church. The lessons I heard growing up were: don’t want material things-God will provide and hates greed, you shouldn’t care how you look because that money can be spent on other things and God doesn’t care but don’t look a mess either, you should only live for God and not want to be known. Well, if you’re like me then it was hard to reconcile those statements when you were told that God made you perfectly and you value success, having an impact, and caring how you’re viewed by others. (Yes, there is a fine line where these can be unhealthy, but I’m talking just at a base here.) For me, learning about the enneagram types, especially mine helped me make peace with these thoughts. (Fun fact, the enneagram was first an oral lesson passed down through generations by spiritual leaders. Richard Rohr gives a better history on this.)
I can use my enneagram 3 gifts to cheer on others and bring them to God. I can still have a positive impact. I am loved and made perfect through His love. I can reconcile wanting to be successful as he gave me tools and gifts of being ambitious and inclusive of others. When I stray away from that, I practice some unhealthy ways and that’s when I struggle. However on this journey of life, now that I am more aware of my limitations, I am able to switch back into my superpowers quickly and use them for a positive impact.
So, what are your core desires and fears that influence your behaviors? How can learning about these impact your life?
Greater Than 